I recently traveled home to good ol' Thurmont for a dear friend's wedding. Everything was simply beautiful and it was wonderful to see my friends and family. But- As I read a book last night I came across this paragraph. I've adapted the pronouns to fit my life.
Sometimes without conscious realization, our thoughts, our faith, our interests are entered into the past. We talk about other times, other places, other persons and lose our living hold on the present. Sometimes we think 'if we could just go back in time' we could or would be happy. But anyone who attempts to reenter the past is sure to be disappointed. Anyone who has ever revisited the place of his birth after years of absence is shocked by the differences between the way the place actually is, and the way she has remembered it. She may walk along old familiar streets and roads but she is a stranger in a strange land. She has thought of this place as home, but she finds she is no longer here...even in spirit. She has gone on to a new and different life and in thinking longingly of the past, she has been giving though and interest to something that no longer really exists. This being true of the physical self, how much more true it is of the spiritual self.
~ The Color of Water, McBride
Funny how fitting those words really are. Thurmont is exactly the same, Save for a few new restaurants and an additional stop light. But, it has changed for me. I used to feel famous there in that small town.... in the sense that I knew everyone, everyone knew me and the town raised all us kids collectively. It was wonderful...well...not if you were causin' trouble I guess- but in general- it was great. The town was so big and it was our whole world. We had to come up with some seriously elaborate plans to even think about getting away with stuff since EVERYONE in town knew what you were up to. If you said a bad word, skipped school, or cracked a beer under age etc, you can bet your parents knew about it 2 minutes after it happened and were on their way to drag your butt back home for due punishment.
This small town looks and feels different than I remember. It's still beautiful, and it's still the kind of town I want my kids to grow up in. The people are still kind, and passionate, and involved with each other. It still has a sense of community. But I've come to realize/admit it is no longer home. I've started a new home in life with Byron. Maybe that's the difference. Home is no longer a place- but a person. Standing in the bridal party really put that into perspective.
You see- the bride and groom are the only 'surviving' couple from high school and they are ever so cute. They are steadfast and loving people that have held up through the storms of relationships when most of us packed up and headed out. They are made for each other. How lucky to find your true match so early in life!
The bridal party consisted of all the former couples. It was only slightly awkward. (Just kidding....we're all adults. Mo was kind enough to not recreate the past and have us matched up together). I couldn't help but stand there and imagine how different our lives could have been.
Have you ever heard the song "Unanswered prayers"? Thank you Lord, for unanswered prayers. God has a plan for all of us- and for many of us...it doesn't include our high school boyfriends. We found happiness elsewhere. My definition of happiness has changed drastically since high school. The definition of a "full" life in high school is completely different than it is now, as I'm sure it'll continually change as I enter other chapters of life. Getting asked to the Prom, or having cool clothes, or getting your braces off, or making that zit on your cheek go away, or managing an invite to Wiley's house on a friday night after a football game once ranked supreme on the proverbial list. Things are different now you might say.
A disclaimer: I don't want to give the impression that I (or anyone) turned out 'better' than another. That's not what I'm saying at all. All of us have found great people to share our lives with (most of us are married) and are all leading very blessed lives.
I got into the car after the ceremony and couldn't stop thinking about how in love I am with Byron. I couldn't wait to come home to him. Because he is my home. Taryn and I exchanged looks and I could tell- she was thinking the exact same thing about Mike.
It was strange (and wonderful) seeing so many people from my childhood. Parents of old friends, old coaches, even friends of my youngest brother that are grown and married now. These are kids I used to babysit- for cryin' out load. Married! Crazy. Crazy. One of my brother's friends' Dad (did you follow that?) came up to me at the reception and said-
Mr. Keith "Sarah, I had no idea who you were coming down the aisle. No idea. I was looking in the program for some semblance of a name to recognize and....nada. I had to ask Adam (his son).
Adam:"Dad...that's Sarah Yocum" (Obviously my name has changed hence his failure to place me in the program)
Keith: "No way! She looks totally different."
Now...mind you- this is probably because the only times he's ever seen me was on a sports field/court in a uniform with my hair in a pony tail. This time- I was in a dress- with hair, makeup, and nails freshly manicured. I didn't even recognize myself!
Anyway- I though that summed up the experience well. The old self is still there- those old experiences helped shape us into the people we are today. Hopefully- for the better.
